Caring for Mom & Dad in Pandemic Times

Even with interest rates as low as they are, it’s not affordable for everyone. It may not even be appropriate to do so if they are experiencing more significant dementia. I remember the conversation I had with my wife, a Licensed Social Worker, just a few months ago about both our mothers who are in assisted living facilities.

“Do we move them out before this thing gets bad or keep them where they are to protect them?” I asked.

She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head as a way of admitting she didn’t have an answer to that question. We had just moved my mother into assisted living before the pandemic broke out.

“Which is best for them? Which is safer?” she said, “That’s the million dollar question.”

“Well, most of the deaths are in senior care facilities, so that seems ominous and scary,” I replied.

“True, but if they do it right, it should be safer,” she replied, having worked as a fitness instructor at several senior care facilities until the lock down.

“But what about the long-term unknown of it all?” I said. “How long can anyone survive alone, locked up in a one-bedroom apartment with no physical contact and basically “zoomified” thumbnails heads for visitors?” I said.

“The conundrum of it all is they may be safer from infection, but not healthier in the long-run. The protection might be what actually harms or even kills them,” she replied.

Those words proved to be prophetic. In just the short time span between March and June, I witnessed my own mother's decline in memory, frustration and hopelessness while living alone and sequestered, with severely limited access by our family to personally attend or evaluate their daily needs or mental health. Daily phone calls are not enough.